It's the new year and I have nothing much to say. I have a song stuck in my head that has no meaning to any person outside from myself. I thought I would share the lyrics with you all:

Life Without You - Submersed

Take a look at me
What do you see?
You think you know the pain in my life
You think you know the pain in my eyes
How could you know?
You're not in this life
Without you

Release this man
Release this man
I'll fight through all of my troubles
Because I wanted more
I needed more
You'll never know
What this life feels like

So how longs it been
Since we've been friends
I thought I've been
This time in my life (Time in my life)
It's changing my life (Changing my life)
So lets sacrfice
Without

Release this man
I'll fight through all of my troubles
Because I wanted more
I needed more
You'll never know
What this life feels like

I leave behind all my struggles
Because I wanted more
I needed more
You'll never know
What this life feels like
You'll never know
What this life feels like

Yeah

Please let go of me
Let go of me
Let go of me
Let go of me
Let go of me

I'll fight through all of my troubles
Because I wanted more
I needed more
You'll never know
What this life feels like

I leave behind all my struggles
Because I wanted more
I needed more
You'll never know
What this life feels like
You'll never know what this life feels like
You'll never know what this life feels like

(So mythical
I'm missing those
The size of those
Who's in my heart?
The size of those of who's in my heart
The stars reside without you)

31

Looking for payday loan?

Friendship is where you like someone but not enough to go further in that relationship; It is to be there for someone when others are not around to help or lift someone’s spirits when they are down; Knowing how someone feels before you ask and knowing what to do; etc...

I find myself writing this blog because I feel like I hit a low point in my life. A life that isn’t going terrible but I’m noticing things about my life that I’ve been doing since high school. I find myself finding people that I enjoy talking to but fade away in time as we grow apart (with distance or personal reasons). 

As I have been growing up, I always told myself and others that I don’t need steady friends in my life because I could always make new ones in the end. As I went to Germany and down to Indiana for college, I noticed that it became harder and harder for me to keep up with the friends I made and of course moved on to the next group of people. This also goes for my relationship situations as well. I feel like I couldn’t stay with one person along enough to fully understand them and the smallest thing that goes wrong would break it all off. I think at the time that I did all these things is because it was the easiest way to not deal with disappointment, failure, heart ache of a friendship/relationship. Even though I have felt many feelings over the years I have been around (that’s right, I cry and care like everyone else), I just can’t seem to bare knowing that my friend would think of me negatively or have to hold their feelings for something I did. Moving on to others is like starting with a clean paper, starting over. This path I know is wrong and I have been trying to improve that in my life.

Now that I’m 25 and lost a lot of important people not in my family, I find it even more confusing then ever to try and keep friends. I have like two people that I know if I started talking with them, they would love to just listen to me. It goes both ways. I find with others that I have known for awhile or that I’ve just met back up again our days in Germany that I might be over doing being a ‘friend’. Is that even possible, being overly friendly to someone and them hating you for it? Would anyone not want a person to be a friend for you when you need it the most? I feel that since I’m so late in the game of being a friend that I forgot how to really play and I fall back into my old ways of making friends and falling away. It’s a vicious cycle that I keep falling back on. 

All these thoughts and feelings I’m expressing could all be a day thing. Everything could just pass long like nothing happened and I go back to my old self. I’m the person that people can pretend to be my friend and just play along with the game. I’m just a little bitter right now and I think staying at home a lot on a weekend and knowing that I have no one to go out with is just getting to me :(

“Everyone feels, even emo people. I say go hug a emo person because that’s all they really want.” (hehehe)